


Occam’s Razor: Rainbow Edition

by SquaresAreNotCircles



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: First Kiss, Humor, M/M, Pretending to Be Gay, kind of, set somewhere between 10.01 and 10.07
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 20:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21714778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SquaresAreNotCircles/pseuds/SquaresAreNotCircles
Summary: “Danny,” he says, feeling something like panic well up in his chest, making him scope out the mental exits. This woman sounds incredibly close to perfect and incredibly exhausting. “I’m gay.”Danny rolls his eyes. “No, you’re not.”Or: Steve tells a little white lie to escape Danny’s increasingly embarrassing attempts to set him up with random women. It spins out of control quickly.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 18
Kudos: 425





	Occam’s Razor: Rainbow Edition

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is quick and a little silly, just like the title!
> 
> There is a very long Wikipedia page on Occam’s Razor, if you’re really interested, but the commonly understood meaning is that if you have to choose between multiple possible solutions for how a particular outcome was reached, the simplest is most likely the right one. So, for example, if footage of a man landing on the moon exists, it’s most likely true that it’s because a man landed on the moon, and not because there’s a huge Hollywood conspiracy in which some group of people faked a moon landing for whatever reason. (Similarly, if two men keep acting like they might be in love? Well gee, it might be because they’re in love! Such a novel concept, I know.)

Going on a minimum of two dates a week with really hot women isn’t as much fun as it seems. It’s hard work, actually, especially when your best friend keeps hounding you about it and you never really seem to connect with any of these potential partners, and really you just want to be left alone for a bit because you got the message, okay, and you _will_ put yourself out there again, but maybe a little less than, you know, every single supposedly free evening you get.

So that’s why, when Danny catches up to Steve in the parking lot of Iolani Palace because Steve’s strategic retreat at the end of the workday evidently wasn’t strategic or retreat-y enough, Steve pretty much knows how this conversation is going to go. He’s already fed up with it. “I can’t,” he says, before Danny has gotten out a single word.

Danny corners him against the driver’s door of the Silverado anyway, and affects a look of personal offense. “Why? Why would you stand up this wonderful, very pretty lady who expects you to have dinner with her this Friday? She’s a surgeon, you know, and she enjoys surfing and teaching orphans how to bake apple pie.”

“Danny,” he says, feeling something like panic well up in his chest, making him scope out the mental exits. This woman sounds incredibly close to perfect and incredibly exhausting. “I’m gay.”

Danny rolls his eyes. “No, you’re not.”

He holds his breath for two seconds, wondering if he should double down on his lie, but there doesn’t seem to be any point. Danny always sees right through him. “No, I’m not,” he admits, shoulders sagging. He slumps against the car.

Danny doesn’t even appear to be listening to him. He narrows his eyes, looking Steve up and down suspiciously. “Are you?” 

“I’m not,” Steve insists, because he’s had just enough time by now to realize that it’s a stupid excuse that would only make things infinitely more complicated in the long run.

Danny is still frowning at him, the set of his mouth doing something dismayed now. “Why did you never tell me?”

“Because I’m not-”

“It’s not like I’d _mind_. I’m not that kind of asshole, Steve, but now I definitely feel like an idiot for pushing all those women at you.”

Steve opens his mouth, shuts it, and feels a bitter sense of satisfaction come over him. “Well, good. You should feel like that.”

Danny frowns even deeper. He whips out the notebook he carries around for case notes, because he’s fogyish like that. “So what’s your type?”

“I don’t have-”

“Everyone has a type, Steve. Come on, men. You like them. What is it you like about them?”

“How much they talk,” he snipes.

“That’s an odd one, but okay. I’m not here to judge.” Danny licks the tip of his pencil stub and sets it to the paper.

It’s right around then that Steve gets a bright idea. He has no clue what to say – he’s never really looked at guys that way – but here, right in front of him, is a prime example of a guy, and if he doesn’t think about it too hard, using Danny as a model also feels like a good way to get him back. Somehow. It probably makes sense, because Steve’s gut says this is the right thing to do. 

“I like ‘em blond,” he says, with total authority, like he knows what he’s talking about. “Well-dressed.”

Danny is humming along, scribbling who knows what down. For all Steve can tell, he could be drawing tiny penises. “Alright, good. Keep it coming.”

“Shorter than me.” That one’s obvious. “Confident. A family man. Broad in the shoulders, narrow in the hips. Used to wear a tie. Blue eyes, and a really nice, perfectly round little-”

“Steve,” Danny says dubiously, catching Steve in the middle of some grabbing motions he’s making with his hands. “That’s me. You’re describing me.”

Steve stills. He’s not entirely sure now why two seconds ago he thought he could give a description of Danny’s physical characteristics and personality quirks to the person in question and not have him recognize himself. In hindsight, it’s not his finest plan. “Yeah,” he admits, very slowly, trying to stall for time.

Danny blinks kind of fast. “Me?”

“It’s not what you think.” Steve uses his still hovering hands to make some calming motions. It doesn’t seem to have much of an effect, but then this is Danny Williams we’re talking about, so it was a long shot to begin with.

Danny stuffs his notebook and pencil away. “So what is it?” he demands.

Steve nods. “Uh.”

“God, you’re hopeless.”

“Eh,” Steve says, because he still hasn’t found any more words, but he doesn’t really want to lie down and take an accusation like that either. He’s about to commit to a solid “no, I’m not” – if nothing else, contradiction is always a safe bet to get Danny annoyed and thus distracted – when it’s cut off by Danny’s lips on his. 

“Seriously hopeless,” Danny says, in the split second between the first kiss, dry and chaste and paralyzing, and the second one, in which Danny’s tongue seems to have decided it was feeling left out of Steve’s mouth. The issue gets fixed very convincingly on the second go round.

When Danny pulls back, Steve is by necessity leaning back against his car again. He’s a little dizzy and a lot weak in the knees, in a way for which there is only one simple explanation. Occam’s Razor, baby.

“Oh my God,” he says, to nobody in particular. “I’m gay.”

Danny rolls his eyes. “Yes, you are. Do you want me to cancel that dinner date on Friday for you?”

“Yeah.” It worked! This was totally his plan all along. Maybe if he tells himself that enough, he’ll start to believe it. “That seems like a good idea.”

“She’ll probably be glad,” Danny says absently, while he’s composing a text on his phone. “Fridays are busy. There are always orphans to be baked into pie, or something.”

Steve ignores the implication that Danny was trying to set him up with the witch from Hansel and Gretel. “I never really liked apple pie that much anyway.”

“Heathen,” Danny scolds, and Steve might need to get his ears checked, because it’s difficult to fathom that until now he never realized how much that sounds like “kiss me silly, please”.

He hears it now, though.

**Author's Note:**

> Making the end notes quick too: thank you for reading, I love you, maybe leave a comment if you feel like it! ❤
> 
> I’m on Tumblr as [itwoodbeprefect](https://itwoodbeprefect.tumblr.com), or with my exclusively H50 (and mostly McDanno) sideblog as [five-wow](https://five-wow.tumblr.com).


End file.
